A Poem for a Gym Beginners

I’ve been going to the gym for just a few weeks,

All I know is that I’m really weak.

I’ll be honest, it’s an intimidating place,

Sure, it’s fast paced, but don’t bring the mace.

The place is not like anything you’ve ever known,

People moan; people grown - an intense zone.

Sometimes I swim, attempting the butterfly,

And then an elderly man paddles right by.

His arm-fat is flopping, his feet are a-flutter,

I, on the other hand, am melting like butter.

I swim lap after lap,

But really, I only dream about my next nap.

The people are of all shapes and sizes,

But, no, they don’t hand out any prizes.

Eating fruit, fruit, fruit all day long,

Why haven’t I been doing this all along?

Oh wait, I get another whiff of the rank smell,

The odor is so strong, but I try not to dwell.

But, I swear, some people don’t shower,

Sour!  Sour!  Sour!

When I lift the weights; I give my all,

It’s really a miracle I don’t fall.

I’m still not sure why people grunt,

Are you trying to put on a masculine front?

I run and my belly flops all around,

This is embarrassing even to write down.

Everyone looks dumb on the elliptical machine,

Uphills.  Intervals.  It doesn’t matter the routine.

The treadmill begrudgingly drags me along,

And sometimes I feel like I don’t belong.

So, gym newbie, beware,

This place will not remind you of life on a beach chair.

You’ll have to work hard, you will be sore,

And yes, sometimes it will be a bore.

Maybe one day I’ll reap the rewards,

I’ll make it to the goal I’m working towards.

So if you need me, I’ll be at the gym,

Hoping one day that I’ll be trim.

Stick with it, I’m trying too,

But if this doesn’t work, I’m organizing a coup!!!

A typical January....

It’s mid-January, dear reader.  Actually, no.  It’s ALMOST February.  I have been quite productive these past three weeks!  My lovable man-friend is going off to play Army in a few weeks, and I must remain as busy as possible.  

In the last three weeks, I have clumsily played three volleyball games, visited the National Portrait Gallery with a wonderful friend, and painted this terrible still-life.  (Please don’t mock me to my face!!)  

The boy and I toured all of NYC in a 48 hour period.  

And, I experienced my first DC restaurant week.  

But what’s next?  I’ll still tutor once a week, and volleyball isn’t over for about a month.  But, I need some new ideas to keep my life exciting as I go back to living alone.  I’ll obviously be glued to the TV watching Barack speak in, what I’m sure will be, a riveting State of the Union address to our nation.  I’m still trying to master iCloud, OS Lion, and the rest of the Apple products I’m slowly converting to.  One of my oldest friend’s is getting married, so I’ll be making a trip to the Midwest for his celebration.  Yet, this is not enough.  

I sent in my volunteer form to serve at my local soup kitchen, but alas, they have not responded.  I found (and bought) a Groupon for a knitting class, but I haven’t picked my dates to begin learning.  I just feel like there are more things that I can do at home that will greatly impact my life and those around me.  

Here are some ideas on ways to keep myself busy in the upcoming weeks:

• I want to bake more.  Momma Martha and I need to spend quality time together.  I even got this beautiful cookbook for my birthday, so I need to put it to use.

• I would like to be a little more creative: painting more or creating projects from my hands.  Of course, my knitting class will definitely help in this department. 

• My reading and writing has exponentially decreased since graduation - maybe I’ll bust out a nice poem for my next blog.  Do you have a preference: haiku, iambic pentameter, free verse?  

• I'd like to research a nice vacation spot for myself.  Maybe I'll even take the leap and go on a trip by myself - one of my life goals!  

So far, I've had an excellent January.  I love being busy and finding new, fun ways to explore my city and life after work.  I have only spent a few hours in my jam-jams watching Teen Mom; yes, it's still an embarrasing guilty pleasure.  But, I'm working on it!  

Ode to J.G. Ballard

To honor J.G Ballard, I have mimicked his short story, "The Index." Below you will find the story of my life (more or less) in the form of an index.

I, of course, omitted any pagination. That would be silly, dear reader. I’m not writing a book here. This is a blog. I’m still new at this blog thing, so, if I find out later that pagination does exist in the blogosphere, I’ll need to add the numbers later. Hmmm ... I hope that doesn’t happen though. I’m way too lazy to go back and change this post. Enough babbling, just indexing.

CIRCULAR INDEX

Numerals
1983 (see birth)

A
Amber, life of (see postmodernism)
Angie (see Anthony)
Anthony (see siblings)
Ardalan (see boyfriend)
Aspirations (see eloquence)
Australia (see vacation)

B
Birth (see 1983)
Biting (see Nails)
Blog (see Project: Life)
Ballard, J.G. (see reading)
Boyfriend (see love)

C
Career, old (see Navy)
Cooking (see weight gain)

D
Dr. Pepper (see snack, favorite)

E
Education (see occupation)
Eloquence (see vegetarianism)
Erin (see Evan)
Ethan (see Rosie)
Evan (see Ethan)

F
Favorite food (see tiramisu)
Flute (See tuba)

G
Gain, weight (see running)

H
Historical figure, favorite (see Kennedys, The)
Home? (see moving)
Hospital (see x-ray)

I
Independence (see home?)
Index (see Postmodernism)
Instruments (see flute)
Iraq (see career, old)
Ireland (see Australia)
Italy (see Washington DC)

J
Jogging (see weight loss)
Job, first (see ladder)

K
Kennedys, The (see VIII, Henry)
Kit-Kat bar (see Dr. Pepper)

L
Ladder (see hospital)
Learned (see education)
Least favorite food (see quiche)
Love (see Ardalan)

M
Maryland (see Italy)
Moving (see Maryland)

N
Nails (see biting)
Navy (see career, old)
Nomadic existence (see moving)

O
Occupation (see student)

P
Postmodernism (see CIRCULAR INDEX)
Project: Life (see writing)

Q
Quiche (see least weight loss)

R
Reading (see Postmodernism)
Rosie (see Angie)
Running (see weight loss)

S
Siblings (see Erin)
Snack, favorite (see Kit-Kat bar)
Student (see UMD)

T
Tiramisu (see gain, weight)
Treadmill (see weight loss)
Tuba (see instruments)

U
UMD (see, learned)

V
VIII, Henry (see historical figure, favorite)
Vacation (see Ireland)
Vegetarianism (see Yoga)

W
Washington DC (see nomadic existence)
Weight loss (see tiramisu)
Writing (see blog)

X
X-ray (see Zany Brainy)

Y
Yellowstone National Park (see aspirations)
Yoga (see Yellowstone National Park)

Z
Zany Brainy (see job, first)