My quarter-life crisis is coming to a slow end, and I’m beginning to realize that, instead of resolving my issues, I’m learning to adapt and accept many areas of my life. I’m learning to accept my place in the world and the choices I’ve made - although I REALLY struggle with that last part.
In my attempt to analyze my life, I’m beginning to psycho-analyze my life as well. In my last few blog posts, I’ve noticed that I keep coming back to the idea of happiness.
I believe that I am responsible for my own happiness. Only me. Not you. Not the boy. Not my job. ME!
Because I am the only who impacts my morale, I constantly thinking about the variety of ways to improve myself. The only problem is that I cannot make a decision to save my life!!! Seriously. I have no idea how people make proactive decisions. For many people, I think they make reactive decisions based on life-changing circumstances. For example, one may think, “I’m pregnant, so I’ll get married.” or “He/she is cheating on me, so I’ll get a divorce.” One may decide to move to Seattle because of a job opportunity, but how does one decide to move just because? Or, do you stay in the same city that you’ve always lived in because that’s all you know?
One of my biggest fears, other than lactose-intolerance, is becoming stagnate in my own life. I’m afraid of becoming comfortable. I think that’s why I am constantly trying to change, think, read, travel, and engage in a multitude of activities with no generic theme. I mean, I don’t think normal, content people taking a knitting class, go hiking, and attend a lecture on a Founding Father within weeks of each other. Me, on the other hand, I thrive on this stuff!
I know I can’t be the only one who thinks about this stuff.....right. RIGHT?!?!!?
Sometimes though, it really feels like I’m the only one contemplating life. I think that people often DO NOT analyze their life because they aren’t very happy but are putting on a facade. It’s too uncomfortable to let the world know that we are unsatisfied or wish we would have made different choices. Let’s face it, not many people are satisfied in their professional life and people clearly aren’t satisfied in their personal life or the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high. So why do we all pretend that everything is so great?
All I know is that I constantly analyze my happiness, it’s roots, and it’s future. I think about where I want to live and work. I think about my future with my partner. I think about my future regardless of my relationship status. I think about growing and developing and learning and adapting.
Who knows when and/or if I’ll make the big decisions: marriage, kids (AH!!!!), career, location, etc.
But I’m pretty sure that I won’t stop thinking about these things.
What do you think about??? Am I the only one analyzing life?
Leave me a comment......
I love that "becoming stagnate in my own life" is one of your concerns, too! It's awesome to have you as a friend!
ReplyDeleteI don't ever want to be "settled down", but then on the other hand, I don't always want to be unsure of what's next either. Quite the conundrum.
(BTW, I was just thinking about how awesome it is that we have these "contemplating life" problems! 50+ or so years ago at our age, we'd be married for over 8 years with 5 kids and counting, working in the kitchen all day...forever and ever. Hooray decisions!)
"One of my biggest fears, other than lactose-intolerance," this is a great line, and reminds me of Meg Ryan's train scene in "French Kiss."
ReplyDeleteThere really aren't that many people who analyze their life deeply. I think it's because it's so much easier to pretend it doesn't matter. When you look closely at your life and purpose, it's inevitable that you'll find areas that you're not pleased with or assumptions that don't hold up. Then you have to go through the hard process of improving them. I think it takes a good deal of humility and courage to really analyze your life.
Karla - Isn't it crazy that having roots in "central America" constantly waves it's ugly face in the back of your mind!?!?! I am constantly thinking about how different my life would be if I'd stayed in the Midwest. Yet, instead of having positive thoughts, I think I would feel more suffocated than I feel after spending 48 hours in my 700 sq. ft apartment.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand that conundrum you speak of. I think I'm still trying to figure out my own life, so it's difficult to imagine settling down with someone when I'm not settled within myself. It's amazing to me that people get married without first having financial stability. (I do not believe in struggling if you can prevent it. That's just crazy talk!!!) I don't think that I would commit my life to someone who didn't first have their professional life figured out. I would expect the same from my partner. I think I'm more scared in the uncertainty in my own life that I'm not sure I could handle that with someone else. It also feels a little irresponsible. What do I know though - I am still trying to figure all of this out!
What I DO know is that I would not have fit into this world if I were born 50+ years ago. What the heck am I talking about - I can barely take care of myself. If it weren't for Ardalan, we would eat mini-Snickers every night for dinner!!!
Ezra - I completely agree with you!! While I too think that while looking "closely at your life and purpose, it's inevitable that you'll find areas that you're not pleased with or assumptions that don't hold up." What I do not understand is why someone would not take a proactive stance in grabbing ahold of any unsatisfied areas and seek to improve. Fear is not an excuse. For me, it would be too exhausting to pretend.
ReplyDeleteThe purpose of my blog is twofold: to engage in diverse, thought-provoking conversations and to keep analyzing.
Thank you for helping me with both of these. And please, if I ever become complacent, please remind me of the bigger picture.