Making Changes

No matter how happy I am in other areas of my life, I have developed terrible body image issues.  I abhor my reflection.  I saw myself, naked, in a full length mirror a few days ago, and I just wanted to cry.  These feelings are new too.  I never had body image issues before and I thought other people’s body issues were silly.  Stupid.  Why can’t people just be happy with what they look like?  You are who you are, regardless of what the scale says.  Seriously, I never understood because it was never my reality.  In the past few months, I have really become self-conscious about my body: my face is too red, I’ve put on extra weight, etc.  I’m starting to notice parts of my body that I’m not happy with.  

This attitude has to change.  And it has to change FAST!  I refuse to obsess over my body, so I am going to make some changes in my life.  I must be proactive in my own life.  But, I have my reservations.

I fear disappointing myself.  I fear failure.  I fear defeat.

I have doubts about myself and my abilities.  

And, thinking about all of this is depressing.

I have to be motivated about my situation and take drastic measures to improve my self-esteem.  I know what I need to do.  I need to stop eating Mini-Snickers and get on the treadmill.  I need to trade in cans of Dr. Pepper (sad!) for a (well-fitting and non-revealing) swimsuit.  

Should I get a trainer?  Should I join Weight Watchers?  Do I have enough will-power to do all of this on my own??  (Uh, no!  Clearly I have no will-power.)  

<Move ahead two days>

After consideration and advise from those I trust, I signed up for Weight Watchers.  I don’t know if this is going to be the plan for me, but this is my way of taking an active role in the lifestyle I want.  I will make an honest effort regarding my food choices and workouts.  

In fact, this morning, I attended Zumba class!   My food choices have been decent today - except for the Dr. Pepper that accompanied my lunch.....and dinner.  (It’s going to be VERY difficult to give up pop.)

<Move ahead two more days>

After a couple days on WW, I’ve decided that this sucks.  I’ve never been on a diet before, but it has become crystal clear why people give up on diets.  I am constantly thinking about food.  I am constantly craving a mini-Snicker.  This cannot be good.

I’m sure after a few days it will get easier.  That’s my hope, at least.  I’m not quitting though.  I don’t know if I should show you, dear reader, how unhealthy I’ve become.  I’m sure I should take a “before” picture, but that is really scary.  I’ll have to think about it a little more.

I am accepting any advice, support, and/or criticism as I move through this stage of life. I believe that, for most people, there are many areas that can use improvement: career, relationships, work/life balance, finances, health, etc.  This is my attempt to be a participant in my own life - the view from the bleachers isn’t nearly as good as being center stage in my own life!  I refuse to be a spectator and I refuse to have body image issues.  Therefore, I'm making a change in for my self-esteem and my health.  

Do you need to make any changes in your life?