A Poem for a Gym Beginners

I’ve been going to the gym for just a few weeks,

All I know is that I’m really weak.

I’ll be honest, it’s an intimidating place,

Sure, it’s fast paced, but don’t bring the mace.

The place is not like anything you’ve ever known,

People moan; people grown - an intense zone.

Sometimes I swim, attempting the butterfly,

And then an elderly man paddles right by.

His arm-fat is flopping, his feet are a-flutter,

I, on the other hand, am melting like butter.

I swim lap after lap,

But really, I only dream about my next nap.

The people are of all shapes and sizes,

But, no, they don’t hand out any prizes.

Eating fruit, fruit, fruit all day long,

Why haven’t I been doing this all along?

Oh wait, I get another whiff of the rank smell,

The odor is so strong, but I try not to dwell.

But, I swear, some people don’t shower,

Sour!  Sour!  Sour!

When I lift the weights; I give my all,

It’s really a miracle I don’t fall.

I’m still not sure why people grunt,

Are you trying to put on a masculine front?

I run and my belly flops all around,

This is embarrassing even to write down.

Everyone looks dumb on the elliptical machine,

Uphills.  Intervals.  It doesn’t matter the routine.

The treadmill begrudgingly drags me along,

And sometimes I feel like I don’t belong.

So, gym newbie, beware,

This place will not remind you of life on a beach chair.

You’ll have to work hard, you will be sore,

And yes, sometimes it will be a bore.

Maybe one day I’ll reap the rewards,

I’ll make it to the goal I’m working towards.

So if you need me, I’ll be at the gym,

Hoping one day that I’ll be trim.

Stick with it, I’m trying too,

But if this doesn’t work, I’m organizing a coup!!!