Are you happy???

Are you happy?  No, I mean really happy?  Do you find joy in your daily activities?  Do you smile?  Laugh?

I am proud to admit that, yes, I am happy.  I’m in a great relationship with a wonderful man.  I live in an awesome area, and my apartment is really nice.  I think that a few of my achievements are notable.  My life is pretty great.

Regardless of how great things are at this moment, I know that life if fluid.  Things change.  People evolve.  I might not always live here.  My iCal may one day be blank.  No one knows when their relationships are going to end.  There is no way to make predictions into the future.  I accept this and I am willing to ensure that, regardless of the situation, my happiness will not decrease based on situations out of my control.

I have always believed that my happiness comes first, and everything else is an asset to my life.  I still think this way.  Yes, it sounds really selfish.  That’s because it is.  Something I’ve learned in my 28 years of life is that no one can protect me as much as me.  No one has my best interests in mind but me.  Sure, people consider my wants and needs, but, in the end, I am the only one who can take a proactive stand in my own life.  If I waited around for others to make decisions on my behalf, I’d probably be uneducated and living with my mother in the Missouri.  (Oh geez!  Imagine how depressed we would all be if that were the case!)  

I’ve been blogging for almost 6 months.  In this time, dear reader, I’ve tried to let you in on the few projects I’ve been involved in.  I tried to introduce myself by letting you in to the way I spend my time: I’ve taken a few trips and attended a few lectures; the gym and my health have been documented; my goals have been shared with you.  

I just wonder if my activities have made me any happier.  Of course I haven’t shared each event with you.  (I don’t need stalkers!)  I recently attended a lecture on George Washington, and my recreational volleyball team did really bad.  (Actually, we were terrible.)  I teach English as a Second Language once a week, and I’m studying for the GRE.  

But am I any happier since November 2011 when this blog began?  I’m not sure.  I’ve decided this is a problem.  I’m busier than I’ve ever been, but my happiness-range hasn’t changed.  Isn’t that interesting!!!!

This weekend, in Charlottesville, VA, I ran across this book.

I read the (would-be) prologue and got inspired.  I need to create a happiness project for myself.  I don’t know where I’m going to start, but I am going to take careful consideration of the way I spend my time to ensure I find joy and happiness in my life.  

So, I’ll ask you again, dear reader.  Are you happy?  Is there room to find time and space in your busy schedule to insert pleasure and bliss?

If you’d like to take on this project with me, let me know.  Are there tangible goals you need to set for yourself?  I think we all have room for improvement.  I also think it takes a brave person to challenge change and are willing to accept change in your life.  

I’m ready for happiness to consume my life.  

I’m in.  Are you with me?  

A Trip to Great Falls

I had the absolute pleasure of enjoying Great Falls National Park this weekend.

http://www.nps.gov/grfa/index.htm

A few friends and I got up really early, faced the brisk cold, and made it to the park before it got busy.  We mostly had the place to ourself, and we throughly enjoyed every second.  

I felt like I was really one with nature.  I could hear the roar of the river, punctuated by the chirping of the birds.  It was pure bliss.  I could have stayed there all day and enjoyed the views.  It would have been an idyllic place for reading under a tall tree. 

One of my downfalls is getting into ruts.  This is something I am not proud of, but am actively working on.  Honestly, dear reader, on most days I come home and do nothing.  I watch mindless television and play on the internet.  The purpose of this blog is to engage with my environment.  I live in such an awesome place that has so much to offer.  There are so many historical sites, museums, and hidden spots that are waiting for me to explore.  This trip to Great Falls was my attempt in connecting with nature and exploring my world.  I live in 700 square feet, dear reader.  Sometimes it feels like my walls are caving in on me.

Great Falls is about 30 minutes from my apartment.  (The drive was easy, with my Garmin, of course.)  I really have no excuse to enjoy the world around me.  I mean, look at this place.  How could you NOT want to visit this park???

I’m new to this hiking thing.  I am trying to make a safe and fun experience for myself, thus well-packed, super-cute green hiking bag.  I'm trying to look well put together, but I am no professional.  

I will say that I loved every second of being at Great Falls.  I didn’t mind the cold.  The trails were easy to navigate, and now, I’m looking for my next adventure. 

Are you in?  What is your next adventure???

A Poem for a Gym Beginners

I’ve been going to the gym for just a few weeks,

All I know is that I’m really weak.

I’ll be honest, it’s an intimidating place,

Sure, it’s fast paced, but don’t bring the mace.

The place is not like anything you’ve ever known,

People moan; people grown - an intense zone.

Sometimes I swim, attempting the butterfly,

And then an elderly man paddles right by.

His arm-fat is flopping, his feet are a-flutter,

I, on the other hand, am melting like butter.

I swim lap after lap,

But really, I only dream about my next nap.

The people are of all shapes and sizes,

But, no, they don’t hand out any prizes.

Eating fruit, fruit, fruit all day long,

Why haven’t I been doing this all along?

Oh wait, I get another whiff of the rank smell,

The odor is so strong, but I try not to dwell.

But, I swear, some people don’t shower,

Sour!  Sour!  Sour!

When I lift the weights; I give my all,

It’s really a miracle I don’t fall.

I’m still not sure why people grunt,

Are you trying to put on a masculine front?

I run and my belly flops all around,

This is embarrassing even to write down.

Everyone looks dumb on the elliptical machine,

Uphills.  Intervals.  It doesn’t matter the routine.

The treadmill begrudgingly drags me along,

And sometimes I feel like I don’t belong.

So, gym newbie, beware,

This place will not remind you of life on a beach chair.

You’ll have to work hard, you will be sore,

And yes, sometimes it will be a bore.

Maybe one day I’ll reap the rewards,

I’ll make it to the goal I’m working towards.

So if you need me, I’ll be at the gym,

Hoping one day that I’ll be trim.

Stick with it, I’m trying too,

But if this doesn’t work, I’m organizing a coup!!!

An Investigation into Jefferson

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I’m reading a wonderful book about the slave family, the Hemings, who lived for 5 generations at Monticello.  I had the opportunity to visit Jefferson’s home this past weekend and I had a wonderful experience.  The weather was perfect, and my amazing boyfriend accompanied me throughout his huge plantation.

To be honest, my American history knowledge is quite lacking.  I didn’t learn too much about this great country in my public school system, so, as an adult, I try to read all I can so that I don’t look like a total idiot when someone mentions a significant historical milestone that I know nothing about.  

For example, my family visited the Alamo when I was about 13 or so, and I didn’t want to take the tour.   It was hot and I had never heard of the Alamo.  (Yes, I’m serious.)  My mother told me, “Oh don’t worry, you’ll learn about it in school.”  Begrudgingly, I made the trip to the huge doors of the Alamo, and they were closed!  (WHEW!)  So, I asked my mom about it and she gave me a quick, one sentence response detailing her knowledge of this landmark in Texas.  I gave her a weird look and she reiterated that I’ll learn everything I need to know about the Alamo, and we went on our merry way.  I get to high school and take history all four year.   NEVER ONCE DID WE TALK ABOUT THE ALAMO!!!  And, it took me ten dang years to get my bachelors degree.  Do you think in any of that time I learned about the Alamo?  No, dear reader, no.  To this day, I refuse to learn about the Alamo because “I’m supposed to learn about it in school.”  

Usually though, I read.  I watch documentaries.  I try to absorb what I can about history that didn’t quite make it into my stubborn brain as a child.  

I’m actually quite fascinated by TJ.  I don’t know too much about him, but reading this book and visiting his home has taught me a lot.  Also, my dear friend Lauren doesn’t like him too much so I’m trying to find out as much as I can to either argue with her or to complain about him even more.  

This is what I have learned:

• TJ was a family man.  He felt terribly about leaving his family for work, especially after his wife died.  He tried to give his children and his wife’s family the best he could, regardless of their race.
• He was personally conflicted on many fronts, but most notably, slavery and public service.  He wrote that each person deserves “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” while being a slave-owner.  He also didn’t feel like public service was honor, but more of a terrible obligation.  
• He was SMART.  Visiting his home and looking at his enormous library made me realize that this man was more than a cunning politician or a simple farmer.  He was willing to experiment with gadgets and agriculture.  He kept detailed records of everything: money, outdoor temperature, property, etc.  
• He knew his accomplishments.  He wrote his own epitaph listing the three milestones he was most proud of: authoring the Declaration of Independence, authoring the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedoms, and founding UVA.  (Needless to say, my accomplishments are not nearly as amazing!)

I’m only 200 pages into the book.  His wife has just died and he has moved to Paris to serve as Minister to France.  His daughter, Polly, and Sally Hemings have just arrived.   I still have a lot to learn.  As far as I can tell, for a man of his time, he had quite liberal views on slavery and his treatment of those working on his plantation were quite different than other slave/master relationships.  He seems to feel guilty about being away from his family, but doesn’t know how to solve this problem.  The author hasn’t detailed his express guilt for being a slave-owner, but I think it’s clear from his treatment of slaves that he was not the norm of his time.  Slavery is the biggest contradiction of his life – a subject he knew well, but felt guilt about.  I can’t imagine living a life with such a huge weight on my shoulders.  

Sorry, Lauren.  I think I like TJ.  I admire his intelligence and his willingness to take risks in his life and in the lives of those around him.  I have a lot more to learn – it’s not as if I think reading one book and visiting his home once makes me an expert, but I know a lot more than what I did 6 weeks ago.  One thing is for sure though, I know way more about Jefferson and the Hemings than I do about the Alamo.  

Making Changes

No matter how happy I am in other areas of my life, I have developed terrible body image issues.  I abhor my reflection.  I saw myself, naked, in a full length mirror a few days ago, and I just wanted to cry.  These feelings are new too.  I never had body image issues before and I thought other people’s body issues were silly.  Stupid.  Why can’t people just be happy with what they look like?  You are who you are, regardless of what the scale says.  Seriously, I never understood because it was never my reality.  In the past few months, I have really become self-conscious about my body: my face is too red, I’ve put on extra weight, etc.  I’m starting to notice parts of my body that I’m not happy with.  

This attitude has to change.  And it has to change FAST!  I refuse to obsess over my body, so I am going to make some changes in my life.  I must be proactive in my own life.  But, I have my reservations.

I fear disappointing myself.  I fear failure.  I fear defeat.

I have doubts about myself and my abilities.  

And, thinking about all of this is depressing.

I have to be motivated about my situation and take drastic measures to improve my self-esteem.  I know what I need to do.  I need to stop eating Mini-Snickers and get on the treadmill.  I need to trade in cans of Dr. Pepper (sad!) for a (well-fitting and non-revealing) swimsuit.  

Should I get a trainer?  Should I join Weight Watchers?  Do I have enough will-power to do all of this on my own??  (Uh, no!  Clearly I have no will-power.)  

<Move ahead two days>

After consideration and advise from those I trust, I signed up for Weight Watchers.  I don’t know if this is going to be the plan for me, but this is my way of taking an active role in the lifestyle I want.  I will make an honest effort regarding my food choices and workouts.  

In fact, this morning, I attended Zumba class!   My food choices have been decent today - except for the Dr. Pepper that accompanied my lunch.....and dinner.  (It’s going to be VERY difficult to give up pop.)

<Move ahead two more days>

After a couple days on WW, I’ve decided that this sucks.  I’ve never been on a diet before, but it has become crystal clear why people give up on diets.  I am constantly thinking about food.  I am constantly craving a mini-Snicker.  This cannot be good.

I’m sure after a few days it will get easier.  That’s my hope, at least.  I’m not quitting though.  I don’t know if I should show you, dear reader, how unhealthy I’ve become.  I’m sure I should take a “before” picture, but that is really scary.  I’ll have to think about it a little more.

I am accepting any advice, support, and/or criticism as I move through this stage of life. I believe that, for most people, there are many areas that can use improvement: career, relationships, work/life balance, finances, health, etc.  This is my attempt to be a participant in my own life - the view from the bleachers isn’t nearly as good as being center stage in my own life!  I refuse to be a spectator and I refuse to have body image issues.  Therefore, I'm making a change in for my self-esteem and my health.  

Do you need to make any changes in your life?

A Week of Workouts

This is the week!  This is the week I get up and start using the gym I pay for.  Usually, I donate my money, not my time, to the gym, but I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of spending $30, monthly, on a gym I never use.  I could visit Panera 3 three times.  I could buy 1/12 of a new purse.  I could get 1.5 manicures.   But no.  Instead, I waste the money.  This is my daily journal of my gym experience this week.

Sunday evening

As I do my weekly laundry, ironing, and general garment organizing, I pre-plan my work-out outfits.  No, I’m not a look-cute-at-the-gym-girl.  I’m barely a look-cute-anytime-girl.  I wear old ADIDAS pants and an older t-shirt.  I find three outfits and lay them on the chest under my window.  I have to pass the said chest every time I get out of bed, which for me and my pea-sized bladder is quite often.  I set my alarm for 4:30am.  If the gym opens at 5am, that gives me two snoozes and enough time to wake up, go to the bathroom (again), get dressed and walk next door.  Yes, my gym is LITERALLY right next door.  I’m all set for a wonderful work-out week.

Monday morning, 430am.

Snooze

Monday morning, 436am.

Snooze

Monday morning, 442am.

Snooze

Monday morning, 448am.

I reset my alarm for 530am.  Screw going to the gym!!!!

Monday afternoon, 318pm.

I keep thinking that I should have gone to the gym.  I need a new plan; it is highly doubtful that I’ll have the willpower to wake up an hour early and go to that smelly place.  I researched the gym schedule.  (https://www.lafitness.com/pages/ClassSchedulePrintVersion.aspx?clubid=331)  Hmmm……there are lots of things to do tonight, but alas, I have plans.  Tomorrow, I meet with my tutor buddy, but I could go afterwards.  Wait, I don’t finish with him until about 8pm and my bedtime is at 830ish.  That clearly won’t work.  My 8 hours of sleep is REQUIRED to function.  I guess that means I’ll have to go in the morning.  Yeah, we’ll see how that goes.  Oh, there are a few things I could do Wednesday.  Cardio Jam sounds fun or I could meet some elderly folk during Aqua Fit.  I’ll have to think about that a little more.  I play volleyball on Thursday and we BOTH know I’m not going to the gym AND playing volleyball in the same day.  So, Friday.  Of course I don’t have plans on Friday.  The boy is away playing solider, so it’s just me.  The gym doesn’t offer classes on Friday evening, probably because most people go out and party the night away.  Not this girl!  I guess that means I’ll have to find my own willpower and go to the gym myself.  Yeah, that’s a good plan.  Wait, did I even make a plan?  Oh well, I have to go back to work and stop blogging.  Blah.

Monday evening, 912pm

Oh my.  It’s 45 minutes past my bedtime and I’m just getting home.   No worries, though….I’ll set my alarm for 430am and be at the gym when it opens.  I got this!!!

Tuesday morning, 430am

Are you kidding me?  I reset my alarm for 530am.

Wednesday morning, 7am

Well, it’s pretty dreary out today and I don’t have plans for tonight.  Tonight is the night!  I’m going to the gym.  I’m going to let the treadmill drag me for a mile.  I’m going to crunch the fat in my abdominal area, and I might watch other people do push-ups.  Oh, I’m so excited!

Wednesday afternoon, 1pm

A friend asks me to Happy Hour after work.  Yes, please!!!  

Wednesday evening, 6pm

Hmpf.  I can’t go now.  I’ve got an order of guacamole, queso, and a Corona in my belly.  Oh well.

Thursday early-afternoon, 1150am

Who cares about the gym?  I’ve got volleyball tonight! <Insert impression of me being 6 feet tall spiking the ball over the net.>

Friday evening, 625pm

I have a date with my favorite UMD sweatpants and my DVR.  I admit, I like to decrease my percentage in big chunks.  I know, it’s a bit shameful, but don’t act like you don’t it either.  Geez - stop judging me!

Maybe I’ll go to gym tomorrow.  I’ve got all day and the only thing I’ve got on my plate is a manicure and maybe a little light shopping.  

Yeah, I can hit the gym before I do my errands.  I’m not worried.  I got this.

Sunday evening, sleepy time

Oh crap.  I forgot to go to the gym.  Oh well.  There’s next week.  No fear, dear reader.  I think next week is THE week that I’m be showing my pretty face at the gym.  

  

A Lecture: The Hemingses, Jefferson and Monticello

 DISCLAIMER:  Slavery and race are sensitive topics, and it is not my intent to begin a debate or discuss issues these issues with a negative undertone.  Also, I am not a historian or any type of expert on American history, but I do try to learn what I can about our history and how we, as people and as a country, have grown and matured into what we are today.  I know there is ample room for improvement, but I believe our country has taken massive steps in the past 200+ years.  

Last night, my friend Lauren and I ventured into DC for an educational lecture at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History.  Annette Gordon-Reed, the author of The Hemingses of Monticello: An American Family, was interviewed by NPR’s host Michel Martin.

Being mostly uneducated about Jefferson’s relationship with the slaves on his plantation, I was eager to learn all I could….and to have my new book signed!  (I am really into getting books signed after I met Toni Morrison with a friend at the Library of Congress’ Book Festival.)  The conversation lasted less than 90 minutes, including a Q&A session.  It was thought-provoking and left me wanting to learn all I can about this part of TJ’s life.  

I had heard rumors that TJ had relations with the slaves at Monticello.  I also think he was/is the only President to be unmarried while in office.  (He was widowed.  Sad.)  That being said, I also know that he traveled up and down the East Coast and across the Atlantic for business.  Regardless of his travels, his home, Monticello, was a functioning plantation.  Plantations require many, many hands and many, many skilled individuals.  It is no surprise that he owned slaves to work the land.  What is surprising, to me at least, is his intimate relationships with these slaves.  This lecture mostly discussed his relationships with the slave families and his treatment toward these people while advocating against slavery.

As I mentioned, I don’t know too much about TJ and I am hesitant to pass judgment on what type of man he really was.  Of course he was smart and hard working – these are not the characteristics in which I crave to understand.  My thirst lies in his true personality.  Was he honest?  Did he truly care about the slaves?   If so, why?  Was he really promoting an anti-slavery movement because he believed the actions were unethical or because he cared about the people he (literally) owned?  Ms. Gordon-Reed did shed some light on my questions, but I am eager to read her book and visit Monticello.  

Today, I begin reading this book.  I hope to learn about what I can about TJ and the workers on his land. I also hope to visit his home, which is only about 3 hours from here.  What I do know is that I love living a city that values our country’s legacy and makes an honest effort to display and educate the citizens about our past.  I believe it would be a personal disservice if I do not involve myself in the various opportunities offered around the Beltway.  I am glad I attended the lecture, but even more thrilled to learn about a subject that is left out of history books and rarely discussed.

Happy reading.  Happy learning!