I have noticed recently that I’ve been judging people more and more lately. Embarrassingly, I’ve been judging silently, mostly. Yet, it’s more than just thinking someone’s clothes are silly or someone has made a ignorant comment. Instead, I’m judging based on my own beliefs, actions, or decisions. But the more I think about it, the more I think most judgements are based upon these three categories.
I’ll offer a few, broadly based judgements that I have seen over and over. Usually, but not in all cases, these judgments are flat. Circumstances do not matter. Diligent attention is not given. Judgements are made at face value without considering the back-story.
1. Beliefs - My religious is x. Your religion is y. Therefore you are wrong.
2. Actions - I go to the gym. I maintain a certain body image. You do not maintain the same standards I have set. Therefore you are wrong.
3. Decisions - I have chosen to breast feed. You don’t breast feed. Therefore you are wrong.
I try to make calculated decisions in my life. I try to think through consequences. I think, in general, most people do the same things. So if we are all making thoughtful decisions, why are we judging others???
Pride is one of the worst qualities one can have. I think pride breeds judgement. For the examples I listed above, I think people have pride in their decisions. People are proud of their devotion to breast feed. People are proud of their gym-made bodies. People are proud of the religion they have chosen - assuming they choose their belief system and didn’t take the belief system fed to them as a child.....but that is another blog post for later.
Another example I often see comes through the pride in one’s home. Usually they take a concerted effort to keep their house clean, which I find a wonderful quality. (I could probably learn lessons from these people.) But pride in their home should not create judgement in another’s domestic skills.
So what can I do to change? How can I be a better person?
First, STOP JUDGING PEOPLE WHO MAKE DIFFERENT CHOICES THAN WHAT I WOULD MAKE!!!!
Second, contemplate a back story. It is possible that an overweight person has major medical issues that prevents exercise. Or maybe they are on a medicine that causes weight gain. Regardless, you probably don’t know the real issues one carries, and you don’t have the right to start judging.
Third, accept that another’s decision is the best choice for them at that moment. I am not a parent myself, but I have heard sooooo many judgments from friends who are parents. Breast feeding is a huge issue. So is education. So is the working aspect of the parents. It’s just amazing to me. I don’t know why anyone cares if someone stays at home all day breast feeding and homeschooling. It probably doesn’t involve you. Then again, if a working parent chooses use formula and take their kid to a day-care, we should also accept this decision.
I have found that we are all just trying to survive. We are all just trying to find our place in the world. What we do NOT need is unnecessary judgement. I welcome all constructive criticism, concern, and suggestions. Seriously, I do. What I do not accept is unfair judgement based what we believe we would do in that situation.
So the next time you pass an obese person, think twice before making fun. The next time you feel pride in your actions and judge those who make different choices, I simply ask that you think twice.
What do you think??? Am I a complete idiot? Am I the only one who silently judges based on the choice I would make?
I sincerely welcome all comments, questions, concerns, and disagreements.
