Snippets from my Novel

On November 1, I embarked on a challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.  This is not the easiest adventure I've taken on, but I'm trying my hardest to write a story with a cohesive plot line and developed characters.  Honestly though, I'm not sure either are happening.  What I am trying to do is be a little witty.  This helps me forge onwards, and hopefully, it will make my reader (my sister) smile a little bit.  Here are a few snippets of my novel, both of which I find particularly humorous.  

Background: Small town girl left to pursue a better, more successful future.  She returns for a friend's wedding and her deepest secret is shamefully revealed. 

Snippet #1: Main character (Beth) is out shopping for her girlfriend's (Megan) wedding gift.

I get to Macy’s.  I walk around aimlessly, glancing at their selection and variety of categories.    Megan and Sam registered at Wal-Mart, and I am not going to buy them a wedding gift from Wal-Mart.  (Footnote: Seriously?  Wal-Mart???  Who even knew they had a wedding registry!?!  Oh god - does that mean they have a baby registry too?)   Without a clear goal, I begin to roam the aisles, and it all dawns on me.  Do you realize how much work it took ME to prepare for this wedding and NOW I have to buy her a gift?  Seriously?  This is just crazy.  Isn't my presence and my precious time gift enough?  I had to use personal leave to get off work (6 days).  I bought a plane ticket ($400), rented a car ($350) and got a hotel room ($275 - or it would have been if I hadn’t used my points!). I had to purchase such an ugly bridesmaid’s dress ($200). (Footnote: Ugh - and how tacky is it when you make someone buy their own dress.  They are standing up in YOUR wedding.  They are doing YOU a favor.  Then you make them buy their own ugly dress.  Unclassy!)  I have to get my hair and nails done ($125). And to top it all off, I have to pay for all of this crap. (Footnote:  My calculator says $1350.)  I thought I was doing YOU a favor and now I'm forced to drop over $1000 on all of this. Ugh. Oh, and the best part, I still have to get you a bloody gift. And all you are getting me is costume pearl necklace to wear during pictures.   

   One of my biggest annoyances is buying presents for other people.  At this point in my life, age 28, I feel like all I do is buy gifts for my friends.  They get engaged.  Gift.  They have a shower.  Gift. They get married.  Gift.  They get pregnant.  Gift.  Baby Shower.  Gift.  Baby arrives.  Gift. (Footnote: Hey!  My time visiting them at the hospital and pretending that their cone-headed baby is “oh so adorable” is a gift of it’s own.  )  Baby gets baptized.  Gift.  Baby has a super cute (Footnote: I mean, cheesy and obnoxious.) first birthday party.  Gift.  And what do I get???  Nothing!  (Footnote: Crap!  I get crap!)  I get a cheap “Thank You” card.  Then, I get one of those Christmas cards with the baby in front of a fake tree with Santa peering out the window saying, “Shhh.......”  Seriously?  I don’t want your stupid Christmas card.  Or, at least be creative!!!  Then, do you know what happens??  We stop being friends.  Single people and married/parents people can’t be friends.  Your lives are just too different.  So here I am, socially pressured to drop my hard-earned cash to buy you a present and in a mere 24 months, we can’t even be friends anymore.  It’s so frustrating.  

Okay, Beth.  Focus!!!  You have to buy this gift and because you are a good friend and because this is what is expected of you.  (Footnote: Damn you, societal norms.)

   I walk aimlessly up and down Macy’s “home” section.  There are bright bed linens and irrational kitchen appliances.  There is living room furniture and starfish-shaped supplies for the bathroom.  (Footnote: Why would you ever buy someone a gift that they will then put in the same room in which they poop?  )

         Alright, I guess the easiest gift is the large Kitchen Aid mixer.  Colin bought me one last year when I was in this huge cookie making phase and it changed my life.  That thing is amazing.  And, it comes with all kinds of attachments that they can then purchase at a later date.  

I pay the cashier and walk over to the Customer Service department for the $6 gift wrap. (Footnote: A service I gladly pay for!)

       In just a matter of minutes, the nice, older woman whips together a beautifully packaged silver and sparkly present, complete with an awesome bow.  This just screams “wedding gift!”  I walk out of the store holding it as if I just created this masterpiece.  (Footnote:  I didn’t, obviously.  But I’l take the credit and praise for it.)

  

Snippet #2: Main character (Beth) is having lunch with a girlfriend (Rachel), who brings her child.

When I walk into the restaurant, I’m slightly frustrated by the shower Mother Nature offered me.  Rachel is already there and has a table.  Rachel is not alone though.  She is surrounded by crayons and ripped paper - she has brought her child to lunch with us.    

“Rachel!!  Hi!!!  How are you?”  She stands up and gives me a big, excited hug.  

“Beth, I’m so happy you are here.  I’m even happier that we get to have lunch together, just the two of us.”

This statement catches me off guard.  I give her a funny look and look down at this child.  

“Well, the two of us and Peter.  My babysitter cancelled last minute, so I had to bring him along.  I hope you don’t mind.  He’s really easy going and he’ll just sit here and color most of the time.”

“Uh, oh sure.  It’s fine,” I say, taking off my soaked jacket.

The waitress comes over and takes our order.  Rachel and I order quickly.  Then, it’s Peter’s turn to order.  

“Petey, do you want Chicken Fingers or Fish Sticks?” Rachel asks, as if he’s capable of making a solid choice.  He just stuck a purple crayon up his nose.

“FRENCH FRIES!!!”

“Honey, I need to you pick between Chicken Fingers or Fish Sticks.”

“FRENCH FRIES!!!”

“Petey, you have to have something healthy for lunch, and French Fries isn’t good enough.  (Footnote: Healthy???  Apparently my friend is confused about the health benefits in our food.)

He doesn’t respond to his mother, but he does pull the crayon out of his nose.  I’m pretty sure a booger came out with it.  (Footnote: Gross!  )

Rachel just orders for him, but she makes sure that his meal comes with fries, just in case he doesn’t eat the Chicken Fingers.  

I feel so awkward with this kid here. I don't have a kid. None of my friends in Washington have kids. What am I suppose to talk to him about?  I'm assuming he doesn't keep up with current events and the last cartoon I saw was...was......I’ll have to think about this later.  I wish I had a sticker book in my purse.

“So you are pregnant again, I see,” I say, only because people really like to talk about themselves, especially when they are pregnant.  But mostly, I need a distraction from this noisy child....who is now coloring on the wall. 

“Well,” she says, rubbing her bloated belly.  “I am hoping it’s a girl because I found the most beautiful girl’s name the other day.”

“Oh, that’s good.  I bet names are really hard.  What is the name?”

“Ophelia.”

“Ophelia?”

“Yes, do you like it?  I think it’s so beautiful.”

“Like the girl who drowned herself?”  

“Someone drowned themselves?” Rachel asks pulling a piece of torn paper out of her child’s ear.

“Ophelia, from Hamlet .  She drowned herself.”

“Oh, I’ve never met Hamlet, so I had never heard that story.  It’s very sad though.”   

Sigh.  

“I just found the name in a baby book I got for ten cents at Tonya Appleman’s garage sale.”

Our food comes just before I have the overwhelming urge to discuss the plot of Hamlet with my uneducated friend.  

There you have it.  Those are two small parts from my humble little novel.  As of today, I am at 18,137 words.  Only 19 days left and 31,863 words to go.  

My Month of Writing Dangerously

November marks the beginning of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  

For each of the 30 days, I'll attempt to write 1,667 words per day which will result in a 50,000 word novel.  I'll try to make these words cohesive and remain on topic - the "plot," if you will.  I'll attempt to actually use my time wisely and write daily.  (That last part is what I'm most concerned about!)

According to the NaNoWriMo rules, you are allowed to outline your story before you begin writing on November 1.  I have spent hours developing my characters and my plot line.  I have consulted with numerous friends and family (well, my sister) about creating something that the average reader (me) would want to read.  

This is no easy task, dear reader.  In fact, this may be the most creatively difficult adventure I've attempted.  I can go on a hike.  Easy-peasey.  I can take my grandmother across the pond.  No probs.  But to sit down and write a novel is something completely different and completely out of my comfort zone.

Let me be clear: this is NOT the great American novel.  I'm not John Steinbeck or Mark Twain.  I strive to have the humor of Jen Lancaster or the will of Cheryl Strayed.  But in reality, I'm just a mere closet-writer.   That plot line I've spent hours developing isn't exactly....developed.  (Geez....I'm working on it, ok!)  

What do I need from you, dear reader?  SUPPORT.  This support can come in the form of an encouraging text message, or spunky care package filled with M&Ms, Kit-Kats, and Dr. Pepper.  Support could be in the form of a creative suggestion if my poorly planned plot line fails miserably.  

Wish me luck - I'm off to finish outlining before the big month begins!!!  Only 2 days, 9 hours left....but who's counting!!!

Bullying Blog Post

My dear reader,

A few months ago, I wrote a blog post about a personal situation and about the tragedies of bullying.  

Since then, I have been approached by two news agencies about appearing on live television to share this story and even to apologize for death of a peer.

I will not appear on television to discuss bullying.  I only wrote this post because of the (then) upcoming documentary about bullying.  I understand this is a hot-topic and my hope was to encourage people to (1) watch the documentary, and (2) assess your character if you are in a situation which might foster bullying.  

Therefore, I have deleted my previous post.  

Thanks for understanding!

Lessons Learned from Traveling with Family

1.       Bring extra international adapters – there is always something to charge.  Not only will you need to charge normal electronics (i.e. phones, iPads, cameras, etc), everyone will bring their own curling iron and hair straightener.  Mornings are hectic enough and dealing with a dysfunctional hair appliance is no way to begin the morning.  

2.       Be patient with your 74 year old grandmother.  Then, be even more patient.  And don't think she's complaining all the time; she is simply observing the differences of cultures.

3.       Have a backup plan for your hair.  I recommend bringing multiple hair-ties when you leave in the morning.  The humidity of Venice does nothing for our thick, unruly hair.  (Yes, I’m serious.  Yes, this was a problem for us.)

4.       Warn them about the lack of ice and fountain drinks in Europe.  If they want a pop, they’ll have to drink from a lukewarm bottle….and they may not get a straw either.

5.       Bring more Euros than you think you’ll need.

6.       Don’t go too fast.  Noni will get tired and won’t have the chance to appreciate the beauty and wonder of the experience.  She didn't say anything about David's lack of.......girth. 

7.       Call PawPaw more often.  He really missed everyone!

8.       Don’t bring so many bags.  Try to pack as compactly as possible because dealing with another country’s customs is zero fun.  

9.       Be sure it won’t hurt anyone’s feeling when you want to spilt up from the group.  Some people may want to explore while others may want to hang out.  Don’t be offended when a traveling companion doesn’t want to do the exact same thing as you.

10.   Find humor in everything.  Reminiscing about Noni falling into the gondola will provide hours of entertainment later on in the trip.  Laugh as much as possible. 

The End of Summer

Summer is officially over, which is sad because I had a lot of fun this summer.  Yet, fall brings another host of activities.  I refuse to sit inside and watch the leaves change through my window.  Instead, I’ve spent hours planning events that will both get me outside and subject me to the cultures, activities, and events in which DC offers.  

You should see my iCal.  I’m soooo busy.  Almost every day has *something* to do.  Sure, I will go to the dentist and other responsible appointments, but for the most part, I’m out having fun.  Not only am I playing volleyball, softball, and football, but I am also making more of an effort to see more plays and attend diverse lectures.  

I always knew that life was is not (and should not be) defined by my 9-5. I don’t describe myself by the words in my job title.  Work is merely the place I go to pay for my life.  It does not define me.  It does not control me.  My work ethic, though, allows me to devote any extra minute to the activities in which I wish to partake.  It’s exhilarating to know that I am in control of my own time and I honestly make the best of it.  For me, life is about the 5-9.  I take considerable efforts to ensure I have a great time after work.  Rarely am I bored and rarely do I wish I were doing something better or different.  Yes, I’m pretty busy.  Yes, finding spare time to relax can be difficult, but this is the way I want it.  I, for some strange reason, *want* my days planned out.    Sure, keeping busy can be exhausting, but seriously, what is the alternative?  As I said, I’m not allowing myself to sit inside and wait for fun things to come along.  I won't allow myself to look forward to watching a television program.  I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and realize that it’s winter.  I want to experience the season changing.  I want to take full advantage of everything my awesome city provides for its people.  Remember my 6 month checkup?  I had so much fun writing that post because it gave me the chance to recollect and memorialize some awesome events.  I’m excited to do my next checkup, which happens to coincide with my 1-year blog anniversary.  What an awesome year....and it's only September!!!    

My 10-Year High School Reunion

It’s time for my 10 year high school reunion.  The same girls that planned Spirit Day and Prom have devoted many hours and $1500 of personal money to reserve a venue.  Plans were underway.

Unfortunately for these planners, the mere 50 responses have been less than expected.    The lack of interest may result in a cancelled event.

In May 2002, over 300 people (maybe even 100 or so more!) graduated from my high school class.  We all stood together in a large auditorium before we moved on with our lives.  We listened to speeches we now can’t remember; we pretended to care about what everyone was doing next.  

10 years later, it’s time to regroup.  It’s tradition to get the class back together.  We’ll pretend we liked each other then and that we like each other now.  We’ll brag about our accomplishments and show off pictures of our babies.  We’ll try to one-up everyone about our exotic adventures.  And how many people do you think are dieting in anticipation of this 3 hour event?  

But let’s be honest, dear reader, no one is going.  There is no need for high school reunions.  Why is that, you may ask?  

FACEBOOK!!!!

I already know who has a baby-daddy....or two.  I know who got fat.  I can pretty much tell who still lives with their parents.  Boob jobs are evident through profile pictures, and so is lack of dental care.  

There is no surprise to the reunion - not in the same way our parents were excited.  There is no need to diet or go get a new outfit.  We already know where everyone is and what everyone is doing.  

And, seriously, can you imagine having to see ugly baby pictures after people already post them all over Facebook??  It would be even harder to lie to their faces.  

Sure, it’s unfortunate for those who did want to reunite and swap stories.  It’s especially unfortunate for the planners who exerted their time, energy, effort, and money.  But, I think we need to be realistic.  There isn’t an urgency to rush “home” to see our classmates, as we see so many everyday in our News Feed.  

Honestly, it feels like everyday is a freaking high school reunion!!!  But at least on Facebook we can unfriend the over-poster or hide someone’s posts who clearly didn’t receive the same spelling and grammatical education as the rest of the civilized world.   

Facebook is really all we need to reunite.  And don’t worry, there is enough to mock from merely reading the News Feed as there would be if we all made the trip to the actual event.

What the heck am I doing with my life???

The big 3-0 is approaching, dear reader.  I have never felt a stronger urgency to take hold of my life as I have these past couple of months.  No, I’m not talking about marriage or the “K” word.  I’m talking about MY life.

I’m talking about a sense of belonging and purpose within myself and my own environment. 

A couple of days ago, my Noni asked me, “How old were you when you figured out what you wanted to do?”  I just sat there. Uh…………..I don’t have it figured out.  I don’t have ANYTHING figured out.  I have no idea what is happening in the next 6 months or a year from now.  (This is very difficult for me too because I am used to living by a 5 year plan!) 

Let me wrap this all up for you: 3-0 is rapidly approaching and I have no plan.  I don’t even have a plan to begin a new plan.  Here I am.  Sitting here.  Waiting.

Waiting for what? 

I, too, am looking for something amazing, but I really struggle in my attempts to figure out my next step(s).  Where do I want to work?  Where do I want to live?  Should I move overseas again?  Can I survive without a car?  Should I go to grad school?  Is professional, economic stability really more important than living a fun, fulfilling life?  Are professional, economic stability and a fun, fulfilling life mutually exclusive?

One of my BFFs told me her favorite quote: “The world is run by people who show up.”  I love this idea.  (Hi KLH!)

I’m realizing more and more that being an active participant in my own life is the best thing I can do. 

These are the areas I’d like to change:

1.        My professional life – I want a fulfilling, meaningful job.  I want to dig wells in Africa.  I want to work with AIDS patients.  I want to give girls the Depo shot.   I also don’t want to take a pay cut.  I understand that I probably can’t have both, so here I sit contemplating the “what ifs.”

2.       My location – I think I’m done with DC.  I’ve lived here since the end of 2007.  (EEK!)  I’m ready for something new.  I have no idea where I want to go, but I’m ready should the situation present itself.

3.       My travels – I’m ready for my next adventure.  I’m ready for something outside of my comfort zone.  I’m ready to hit - dare I say it - my last continent. 

4.       My feet – My feet and I are having some disagreements right now.  At this point, it’s really not about me vs. the world, it’s really about me vs. my feet.  They might be winning today, but I’m making some great progress!  Let’s face it, I can’t do anything without my feet.

A part of me really wants to take a year (or three) to travel the world.  I want to explore as much as I can.  But I know that is completely unrealistic.  I have a life and stuff and a job and a partner.  I have expectations and responsibilities that prevent me from quitting my stable job for something so unreliable and whimsical. 

Another part of me wants to save, save, save.  I want to feel so secure about my finances that I don’t need to think about my next vacation or worry once retirement time comes.  Then, I feel like I should use this time to do everything I want because eventually I’ll feel too old and it’ll be too irresponsible to make such a drastic change.  Again, I struggle to find the medium.

I’ve also decided that everything in life is a phase.  Childhood was a phase.  Puberty was a phase.  High school was a phase.  In just the same manner, adulthood is a phase.  Parenthood is a phase.  Your career as a <insert job title here> is a phase.  Because life is organic, these phases are also organic.  I am no longer the person I was 10 years ago, just like I am no longer teenager.  I’m a different person because my life is drastically different.  I want to keep changing.  I want to develop into a better version of myself as I age.  My current phase will quickly end and I’ll embark on whatever the universe holds next for me. 

Nothing is guaranteed: marriages/relationships, jobs, one’s health.  The current phase in which we all reside will evolve into something different.  We won’t know if it’s better or worse until we get there and live through it though. 

Do I expect to feel different on my 30^th birthday?  Of course not.  BUT, I do hope to use this time to gain a clearer direction to the path on which I see my life.  I have 16 months to deeply analyze my life, my choices, and my environment  While I’m doing all of that, I’m going to SHOW UP.  I’m going to make more of a conscience effort to explore the world and assess my whole life. 

Do you have any suggestions for me? 

What are you doing?